The Stuttgart Ballet blog

Mysterious Bloggerina (Blog Post #2)

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It’s all about the bran.

As ballet dancers we tend to be very open with one another. We pretty much call it as we see it, and we aren’t afraid to say what’s on our minds, at all times. Makes sense seeing as we spend so much time together, and the amount of body contact we have with each other makes us feel very comfortable with one another (See previous post titled “Vagina Lifts”). But where is the line, one might ask? It’s hard to know. There are a few moments that are definitely in that grey area. For example, a very common topic of discussion on tour, and especially tours to Asia, seems to be the topic of bowel movements. It is completely normal for a group of dancers to be sitting together at breakfast discussing when was the last time they all shat, what they ate to aid in the shitting process, and how they hoped the bran cereal and black coffee combination will work its magic soon. You can always tell who is having troubles by their breakfast selection at the hotel buffet. While some swear by the black coffee and cigarette combination, non smokers will generally load up on fibrous cereals, dried prunes and Activia. After asking how a person is doing, a common, and totally normal, follow up question may be “Did you shit yet?”. Then depending on the persons response you are either happy for them, or very very sorry. If someone stands up abruptly from the breakfast table and says, “I gotta go”, we all know exactly what they mean and we wish them well.

Not only are the discussions between dancers very detailed and often times overly personal, they are also very animated. We won’t just tell you what’s going on, we’ll probably get up and mime the entire thing.  Like the time I accidentally touched my best friend’s boyfriend’s penis. Ok I didn’t really touch it, I just thought that would be a funny way of starting a story. What actually happened was that I was trying to explain to him where exactly I had torn the psoas muscle in my hip. Forgetting that he isn’t a dancer and isn’t used to being touched around that area by someone that isn’t his girlfriend, I went in to show him the exact spot where my injury was on his body. Which just so happened to be a bit East of his crown jewels. As I was going in for the touch, saying “It hurts right here…”, he immediately jumps back in total shock before I could even register what the problem was! Oh yea, I guess it is kind of inappropriate to touch your best friend’s boyfriend’s penis isn’t it? Sorry I’m a dancer, we don’t really understand boundaries.

Author: stuttgartballet

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